Later Doll (a winter soldier fanfiction)

Chapter 1: Why do you want to stay?

om their cage, they fell around my face and down my waist, I ran my fingers through my thick curls and let out a sigh of relief before turning to look down the street for Bucky but he was nowhere to seen; until I felt hands grab my waist and poked in that certain spot that made me giggle, I jumped out of the arms of this stranger only to find those bright blue and crooked smile:

”Bucky ” I playfully hit his chest ”almost scared me half to death ” he chuckled and pulled strains of my thick mane, swirling it around his finger.

”Sorry, I am late, Steve and I session went a bit over time, ” he said as he let go of my hair, took my purse and grabbed my hand but I stopped in my tracks, he gave me an odd look before rolling his eyes ”you can be serious ” he complained, I just crossed my arms and stared at him. ”Fine ” he slumped his shoulders playfully and began to walk in front of me. ”How was work? ” He asked with his hands in his pockets, mercilessly crushing my tiny purse.

I began to walk a few steps behind him, combing my fingers through my hair and closing my eyes with relieving sigh. ”the usual ” I said as a jacket was placed on my shoulders, I looked up to see Bucky walking a few steps forward again but this time, only in his white t-shirt and jeans.

I watched him sneak a look at me ”how did you do today? ” He asked as I shook my head in frustration.

”With the war raging overseas and the fair employment practices committee, not great, no one is gearing up to tip a black waitress ” I whispered as I stared at his form, his face twisted at the words I said.

He was silent for a moment ”this is shit ” he said louder than he should ”the whole… ” I stopped him before he could go on a rant about discrimination is.

”Bucky ” I exhaled as he stopped and looked down at me.

”Fine, fine, I will stop ” he whispered as we began to walk again, past the little shops and apartments around town.

”How was your session with Steve? ” I asked, watching his face calm down and turn concerned.

He exhaled soundly ”he is learning but he is still too slow and weak, his asthma is what I am worried about ” he whispered ”I worry about him ” he mumbled under his breath.

”What are you more worried about? Him getting regretted again or him getting enlisted? ” I asked slowly, watching Buckys reaction to the question.

”Him getting enlisted ” he growled as I nodded softly.

Suddenly an idea popped into my mind ”why don you and Steve go dancing with two girls, you know, take his mind off the war ” I suggested as Bucky stopped in his tracks.

He turned to look at me ”you want me to go on a double date with Steve ” I nodded ”you want your boyfriend to go on a date with another girl? ” He asked again and I nodded softly. ”A little jealous would be nice and some sort of longing for me NOT to go out with other girls ” he expressed as I shook my head and walked past him.

”Bucky ” I expressed with frustration ”we both know this… ” I turned back to look at him and gestured between us ”is not gonna work in the long run ” I didn want to look at him so I turn again and started walking ”you know this ” he grabbed my wrist to turn me around.

”Hey ” he slipped his hand down to my hand and held it tight ”I promised you Paris ” he pleaded with those gorgeous eyes.

I let my head fall ”what do you want me to do? Go with you? ” I said as he nodded softly and I began to turn away from him again but I couldn move because he still held my hand.

”What are you so afraid of? ” He expressed an air of discontent. ”What people might say? ”

”No ” I uttered slowly, I turned to look into his eyes ”I am afraid of what they might do ” I watched his stature change, his chest puffed up, his back straighten, his sweet smile was replaced with a straight line and his eyes turned cold.

”You know I will never let anyone hurt you, right? ” He said in a stiff unfamiliar voice.

”I know but… ” I wanted to grab his face at this moment but decided against it, we were still in public ”you know I never let anyone hurt you either ” I whispered looking into his eyes, they turned stunned for a moment.

A silence settled between us as we stared into the eyes, it was like I was telling him everything without saying a word like we were communicating on a higher level than the physical before he let go of my hand and began to walk past me, I stared at the empty spot he left with a tear in my eye, knowing our connection was nothing in this world but two rebels infusing the American dream:

”Lets go, its getting late ” he whispered as we began to walk again.

I took this opportunity to admire the quiet gentleman who walked in front of me, he had his head turned up to the sky as the moon perfectly sculptured it, the glow caressed his features like a soft paintbrush and moved about those pillow lips which always seemed to be up to no good; with his hands tucked deeply in his pocket, the tension in his shoulders at our disagreement making his arms pull veiny with the strength:

”Are we just not gonna talk for the rest of the way? ” He mentioned as I looked down at my shoes. ”Only have a few pasting moments together ” he whispered.

”Are you going to sign up? ” I asked the question cautiously, not for his sake but mine, I didn want him to leave, I didn want him to die on some lonely muddy battlefield, the image alone was damaging to my heart, brass buttons covered in inky red blood…

”No, ” he said as I nodded, looking at my feet ”don have a reason to ” he struggled softly, he moved to my side as we entered my quiet street ”do you think I should? Is it expected? ” He watched me closely so I kept my face neutral, with no emotions to be read.

I nodded slowly, buying some time to organise my thoughts, I was torn between reality and my selfish narrative ”it is expected ” I mentioned slowly ”in a world that we live in, the men want to prove their duty, some want to find their fountain and others find it entertaining until they realise that war is anything but that ” I looked up at him as he bows his head, not listening closely to me or our height different but to feel me near without having to touch ”so the only question is, why do you want to stay? ” Now it was I who watched his emotions carefully.

He chuckled, knowing I was analysing him ”well if every able-bodied man left for the war, who would support the country? ” He teased as he nudged my shoulder ”plus I don think Steve could take it ” he whispered to himself more than anything else ”and this pretty little waitress who caught my eye ” I shook my head as a blush crept up my neck onto my cheeks ”she stubborn like barbed wire and eyes so bright she puts stars to shame ” he whispered as I giggled.

”So corny ” I chuckled as he struggled, he loved spitting those corny lines to make me laugh or lighten up a situation.

I felt his fingers caress mine ”if she plays her cards right, I might ask her to spend her life with me and the others to come ” he whispered as we stopped in our tracks and stared at him.

”Buck, you know I can ” I whispered as he grabbed my face between his hands. ”We can ” as the tears fell from my face.

He placed his forehead against mine ”shhh shhh ” he looked into my eyes ”just close your eyes ” I did as I was asked, ”if nothing in this world would stop you, would you? ” He whispered flashes of the people I have killed, my father in his sickbed and faces of those who knew nothing about me but turned to hate at the sight of my skin.

Pushed away from Bucky and all his promise, his light ”you deserve better ” I whispered as I took off like a gun towards my home, leaving Bucky standing in the streets of Queens.

I made it to my humble apartment which was half in the ground, tears stained my cheeks as I tried to catch up with my thoughts, I took along with my humble home, the cracked walls that spoke of sweet memories, the carpet that has been in my family for years the open plan kitchen that looked into the living room and the beloved sofa which called my name; I was about to claim the sweet price of sleep when I heard a loud gut dreading cough come from the only bedroom.

I rushed to the bedroom to find my fathers head with a rusted cup ”Pa ” I moved him to sit upright, I grabbed the cup and destroyed it into dust then completely made those particular disappear ”did you take your medicine? ” I made sure he was completely covered and warm.

”Yes, I have ” he whispered, staring at me with those kind eyes clouded with wrinkles, his salt and pepper hair sprinkled around his head and his sweet smile always brought a smile on my smile.

I nodded softly ”thats good ” I began to tidy up the room, folding the blankets and collecting all the dirty dishes.

He watched me closely ”come, sit, talk ” he whispered closing his eyes ”how was your day? Did that boy walk you home tonight? ” I frowned at the mention of Bucky.

Quickly folded the blankets and huffed softly, he gave me a look ”its nothing, Pa, let me get you some water ” I whispered as I turned to Bucky standing by the door ”James ” I murmured, his eyes rimmed with tears, his shoulders slumped as he stared at my father behind me, Bucky and I stared at with pure sadness in his eyes, we communicating without words, without sentence, without a subject.

My father spoke up in overaggressive silence ”so you must be the young man… ” he began to cough aggressively as if the devil reached his hand down his throat and grabbed his lungs.

I sat back on the bed, grabbing the cold wet cloth and began to wipe the sweat that forms on his forehead ”James, just give us some space ” I slowly caressed his throat, I felt him step forward ”Please… ” I pledged in a whimper as he stepped forward again and I turned to stare at him ”James, Please… ” I whispered as we stared at each other for a moment before he turned and left without a word.


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