Later Doll (a winter soldier fanfiction)

t bomb goes off.

I grab Steve hand lifting with what strength my body could hold, we dangle over the fire, explosion and rumble below, I looked to Bucky to see his eyes widen as he falls to the ground as Steve stares up at me, my wings begin to burn because of the cinders that touch it as I swing Steve to the other side, he falls as I scream in agony as my wings turn to flames, I flap around frantically until they turn to ash and I crash into the catwalk where they laid; I scream as my wings burned off from my back, they burned to ash as I laid with my back facing the two men.

”Tam… ” Buckys voice sounded behind me, it was dripping with concern.

”Im sorry ” I whispered as tears fell from my eyes, I cradled myself in the fetus position ”Im so so sorry ” I whimpered as I felt a pair of hands on my back as I was lifted and placed on Buckys back.

”Not yet ” he whispered as we escaped the building which was falling to pieces.

….

The warehouse was cold and silent which was better than the outside, open and vulnerable, we snuck into the abandoned warehouse to recuperate and treat our wounds, Bucky was limp which was just strained while my whole back was open and bleed, I was weak and I could heal as fast, as usual, so I sat there in silence as Bucky tried to dress my wounds; with my head down, I couldn help but think about what was going on in his head, all the questions he wanted to ask or all the answers I had to give him.

I took a deep breath ”Bucky… ” I exhaled as he caressed my back.

”Ssshh… ” Bucky whispered ”not now ” he grabbed a bottle of alcohol and we found ”this might hurt ” he handed me a belt that I placed between my teeth, he poured the alcohol down my back as I began to scream and my body shook frantically; I let my head fall as Bucky grabbed my hand ”sshh…sshh ” he kissed my back softly, avoiding the wound.

I felt him caress my back ”will it heal? ” He asked.

I nodded ”eventually, I am weak ” I exhaled as he began to wrap up the wounds.

He huffed ”will they grow back? ” He whispered.

I nodded ”eventually ” he moved from behind me to stand between my legs, he pushed the hospital gown back on my shoulders, he tied the strings while laying my head into his neck.

”When was the last time you ate? ” He ran his fingers up and down my ribs, I rubbed my head into his chest.

”I don remember ” I hummed into his chest, taking in his scent, he pulled away and grabbed my face between his palms.

”So many secrets, Doll, ” he whispered looking into my eyes but I couldn keep them.

I nodded with tears in my eyes ”but this is a big one ” he moved back, seeing how I felt with him near as I told him this story ”When my father was diagnosed with cancer, my life stopped, I tried my hardest to get him the help he needed, I quit school, I worked four jobs, I would do anything to help him survive, he was the only family I had but it was never enough, we were never enough ” I looked up at Bucky ”Then a man approached me with a sweet deal, all I had to do was steal secrets, right, it was perfect, it paid well, so I did ” I explained as tears began to fall down my face ”at first it was easy, just information then I started having these dreams…I was hurting people then I was killing them and when Schmidt found out about my powers ” I looked at my fingers ”they took me, they starved me to see if I would die, they harmed me to see if I would heal, they **** me to see if I would reproduce ” Bucky head fell while of tears moisten my lap ”they electrocuted me until I couldn breathe but they couldn control me, my body wouldn have it ” I reached for his hand but he pulled them away and my head felt as a dry heaving entered my throat ”Then suddenly you were there and you saw me, all of me, all my secrets and… ” he raised his hand for me to stop, I knew what was coming next.

He looked up at me with such pain in his eyes ”it should have been me ” he growled as he pushed himself from the table.

”What… ” I looked at him as he paced the floor.

”I should have gone through all that, not you, ” he shouted as I just stared at him in disbelief.

”I killed those people ” I argued as he turned to look at me.

”You didn do shit, you…you ” he whispered as he grabbed my face and kissed me deeply, I gasped at how rough his mouth was being, he was pouring the anger, frustration and pain into every bite, he pulled away and looked into my eyes ”they brainwashed you, they took advantage of your desperation and used you ” he whispered ”and I let them… ” I saw his eyes turn to pain.

I grabbed his face ”you didn know, you couldn have ” I pleaded with him as he shook his head.

”You should have been able to tell me everything, and you didn ” he stared into my eyes ”but never again, I promise, you never face anything alone, you hear me? ” He said as I nodded.

”I love you ” I whispered as he pulled me close.

”I love you too, ” He whispered.

”Hey ” Steve appeared from the door ”we need to get going, ” he said as he tossed me some clothes, he nodded before leaving again.

….

We had been walking for days, through the murky environment before we saw the military site in view, my back had finally healed but my body was still weak, I had to lean on Bucky as much as I could but when my eyes fell onto the military site my heart stopped and I paused in my tracks as Steve and Bucky turned to look at me, I knew what would come next, I knew my freedom was going be taken away from me as soon as I step foot on that field of grass; I looked to Bucky who looked at Steve, I shook my head and just smiled before moving forward again.

As we approach the site we were greeted by countless of soldiers, they cheered as we walked through them, I looked to Steve to see the pride he always carried behind a shy smile, I looked at Bucky who was already staring at me and I smiled, just living in this moment, when Colonel Phillips and Doctor Margaret walked towards us as Steve stood in front of them, against the Colonels uniform Steve looked torn and filthy but he still held his head high

”Rogers? ” He said stiffly with his face as stirn as a stone while the Doctor stared at Steve amazed.

Steve salutes the man ”Colonel, some of these men need medical attention. ”.Phillips looks at the gaunt faces of the men and He nods stiffly as medics rush in to help the soldiers ”Id like to surrender myself for disciplinary action. ” His eyes stood straight ready for anything.

Phillips looks at Steves battered, burned shield. ” That won be necessary. ” The Colonel whispers.

”Sir, I- ” Steve tries to speak but the Colonel shakes his head.

”Just how many orders do you plan on disobeying, Captain? ” Colonel says as they lock eyes but all Steve does is flash that winning smile.

”Yes, sir. ” Steve says.

Phillips turns to the Doctor, smiling wryly. ” Faith, huh? ”

He walks away as Steve turns to Peggy, I see her step forward to hug him but she stops herself and clears her voice, her eyes were only on the super soldier.

”You
e late. ” She teases as Steve pulls out a broken transponder, it looks like it had been shot

”Sorry, couldn call my ride. ” Steve smiles as they look at each other, a long, lingering moment when Bucky grabs my hand and yells.

”Lets hear it for Captain America ” the soldiers began to cheer, slapping Steve on the back until…

Suddenly the Colonel returns with a few soldiers all armed, they aim their guns at me but in a swift movement Steve grabs the one soldiers gun and knocks him down while another aims for his head, one soldier grabs my arm but Bucky punches him, grabs his gun and pushes me behind him:

”Whats going on? ” Steve shouts, still holding the gun towards the fallen soldier, he looks to the Doctor to find her aiming her handgun at me. ”Peggy? ”

”Are you ok? ” Bucky whispers over his shoulder.

”Bucky, put the gun down ” I touch his back softly.

”What… ” he sounds surprised

”Please… ” I whimper as the Colonel steps forward.

”Better listen to her, kid ” He huffed as Bucky threw his weapon down and so did Steve.

I step from behind Bucky and raise my arms, a soldier forces them behind me before cuffing them, I stare down at my feet as the began to push me towards the tent where a car waited for me, I looked to Bucky and Steve as they argued with the Colonel before I drove away.

….

The room was lit with light so bright that it gave me a headache, the place was a fortress, it was built into stone which made it secure, not built for me but built to hinder me, I sat in the corner of the room for hours, watching the two chairs and table in the middle of it like it would come to life and run around the room, I didn really know how long I was waiting but I knew this was the end for me, for freedom, I stood to my feet as I paced the room, my wings itching my back to be spread but I couldn , not here, I knew they were watching me, my every move; I walked to the camera then stared at the peephole as I sensed a presence coming my way.

I took a step back as the Colonel walked in with a plate of food and a few papers under his arm ”hunger? ” He asked as he placed the food on the table and took a seat. ”Rogers said you haven eaten in a while ” he gestured to the chair across from him.

I took a seat ”you are not afraid of me? ” I asked as I stared at the steak, broccoli and mash, I had never seen food like this, not on one plate, not half eaten.

”Should I be? ” He asked not to look up at me.

I huffed ”you know what I am capable of, you should be ” I asked as he gave me a bored look.

He interlocked his fingers ”How long has it been since you ate? ” I looked down at the

food again, and the dreadful questions started to circle my head.

I shook my head ”these questions, why would you worry about my health ” I was a statement instead of a question.

The wrinkles around his eyes twitched ”I don ” he mentioned ”but I have a very worried super soldier and an angry Sergeant ” he said as I thought of them, they must be going out of their minds.

I scratched the back of my head ”since I was captured, I don know how long its been ” I whispered as he wrote down what I said.

He gestured to the food ”go on then ” I stared at the meal with a sense of dread ”what? You think I poisoned it ” he asked as I just stared at him, he pulled a fork and knife from his pocket, he scooped up the mash and cut the steak before hauling it into his mouth, he smiled before pushing the plate back towards me.

I devoured the meal like it was my last, probably was, I consumed it in such a speed that the taste was still unknown to me, the colonel stared at with bored eyes when i was done, it was like this was usual for him to watch before he cleared his throat when I mopped up the remaining gravy with the last broccoli.

He tapped his pen and looked at me ”Now, lets talk ” I leaned back in my seat.

”What do you want to know? ” I asked as he gave me a half smile.

”Why did you betray your country? ” He asked with disdain in his voice.

”I never betrayed my country, I protected my family, you count that as treason but I couldn care less ” I expressed, crossing my arms.

”You couldn care less about the thirty soldiers you killed in ten minutes, ” he said in a bone-chilling voice that didn phase me.

I huffed, looking to my feet ”Colonel Phillips, what I did was out of desperation, I didn mean to kill those soldiers ” I strutted as their faces flashed through my mind.

”Tell that to their wives ” he sneered before getting up to leave.

”Colonel Phillips… ” I paused, as the tears began to march down my face ”You think I have no remorse, no care for the lives I have taken, I live with that every single day, I see their faces when I close my eyes, I have nightmares, so you can parade here with your guilty but I wear it, I deserve the high punishment for what I have done but if you asked me if I would do it again, in the sake of father, I would ” I watched his knuckles turn white as he gripped the file ”because your prejudice is just as harmful as Hitlers ” I swore as the lights flickered, the floor cracked beneath me and my tears turned to blood, Colonel Phillips shocked exterior fell into the chair beneath him as a look of fear crossed his face.

He cleared his throat, he placed the file before him again ”what happened? ” He asked as I looked down at my feet.

I told this man everything, I don tell people anything about my life, I don trust easily or at all without some coaxing, I didn even trust Bucky when I met him yet with this man I poured it out onto the table, all the heartbreak, the cancer, the grief, the pain, the labour, all of it and he sat there listening intently without interruption until I was done, he looked me straight in the eye and asked:

”Why didn you leave? ” He asked as if it was the simplest thing in the world ”you had the power to turn everyone in Hydra to dust but you stay and took it, that is the only thing that doesn add up, Miss Johnson ”

I took a deep breath ”my father ” I choked back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes ”they threatened to kill him if I didn cooperate, so I did ” I watched his expression as he turned the page of the file, he stayed silent but I knew something was wrong ”what? ” I asked.

He flipped the pages over to a picture of my father ”he was found dead a year ago ” he whispered as he stood to his feet, he walked behind my chair and placed a hand on my shoulder ”I am sorry, Tamara ” he whimpered as I closed my eyes, the hint of my name pour into my soul and I felt this heat raise to my face.

In the coldest voice I have ever heard ”you should go ” I said as I touched the picture, his face was peaceful but his chest was covered in blood.

”Miss Johnson ” Colonel Philips voice was a mile away.

”Please go ” I whimpered, he moved to the door, shutting it behind him.

Suddenly I couldn breathe this overwhelming pressure on my chest caused me to stand to my feet, as soon as I stood the table and chairs burst into dust as the picture floated in midair, my fingers tingle as red blood like liquid fell from my face, I stepped back as my wings bursted from my back and the lights began to flicker; an unearthly scream rose from my throat as darkness birth through my mouth, I was lifted in the air as the darkness surrounded my being, closing off the outside world.

….